Being born in as a witness really takes its toll when you finally escape. You look back and see these years you could have done other things. Instead of sitting in a tie and being told you need to be baptized or your not good enough.
My life til about 15 was all pretty good. I had a close group of friends. My family was very social, so we were always spending time with people in the congregation. As a kid with no understanding of the outside, I was blissfully happy.
Then things got weird.
At the time there were weird social cues I didn’t pick up on with my parents and another married couple with kids that we spent a lot of time with. A lot of strange interactions and weird times when the wife of the other couple would be around. I didn’t think anything of it at the time. One day i was digging through my dads desk looking for some computer games and found a burnt DVD that either got tossed up in some other things, or was purposefully hidden. I threw it in the computer thinking it was Diablo (my dad didn’t want me to know he had that game) but to my horrific surprise it was a sex tape of my parents and the wife of the other couple. Through the time stamp I also discovered I was home, along with my younger sister and the daughters of the wife. Holy shit did this ruin everything.
For a while, I didn’t know what to do with this information. So, like any kid my age, I confided in my friends. I showed them everything because I didn’t know what else to do. It was eating me up inside. Then came the tipping point. One day I finally said screw it. Me and my best friend at the time took all my dads alcohol and hid it in the basement (my dad started drinking heavily around this time also), moved all the porn my dad had stashed away in files on his computer to a dashboard icon with the title “we know.” Then we took off to another friends house before anything was found. That night all my friends were together and we decided to finally tell a parent. So, awkwardly, we explained to my friends mom whose home we were staying at every embarrassing detail.
I still to this day cant describe the weight that was lifted off of me and my friends. Even then we didn’t fully understand how big this was.
The next morning, the news had already made its way to my dad. I figured that out by my dad unexpectedly coming to pick me up early in the morning. Talk about the most awkward car ride. To top it off, the ride was spent putting the blame of the situation on me. We got home, I was locked in my bedroom, and my dad frantically ran downstairs (to what I assume to this day) to delete everything.
I started calling my friends freaking out. I started second guessing what i did. But luckily i had my friend’s support. To summarize what happened after that: My dad got disfellowshipped(who still is to this day), my mother got reproved(I don’t know how the hell that happened), and i was on lock-down because this was somehow my fault. This really screwed up my parents relationship. My dad started drinking more heavily and got abusive so me, my mom, and sister left.
During this time, my reputation was ruined. I was now the son of the parents that did this. And that’s all anyone cared about. For some reason though, I still went to meetings. Progressed in little ways in the hall. Then the first guy in my group of friends got baptized. I was happy for him, but knew I was nowhere near ready. This became a reason for my mother to start hounding me to get baptized. I was 17 at the time, I couldn’t make that decision. My mind was still fucked from the stuff her and my dad (did). It never let up from her. So I did it to make her happy. Terrible mistake.
Some time passes, nothing really happens besides some classic witness drama. I get drunk at a friends house (that’s all Midwest witnesses do), my mother finds out. She tries to ground me and make me pay rent. I move out the next day.
That’s when I started skipping meetings. Never really going out in service. This goes on for about a year. During this time I met a girl who lived a few hours away. She just got reinstated. A friend of a friend. We clicked well and she was a breath of fresh air when it came to “the truth” because she had been disfellowshipped and came back. She struggled with drugs and the “party scene.”
Then my mother got in the picture.
Before, she had never been involved in this relationship. Not at all. But she catches wind that I’ve received “pictures” from her. What else are you suppose to do when you live 3 hours away. Haha. So my mother decides to call her parents, who shes never talked to, and rat me out like some sort of revenge plot for what I did to her. After an awkward four-way call, that pretty much sealed the fate of the relationship. That sent me into a downward spiral, along with the girl. She ended up getting back into the things of her past. For me I quit going to meetings, I stopped eating, stopped leaving the house. But wait there’s more. Sorry for the long post.
During this time I met my current girlfriend, who’s not a witness. I went out of my comfort zone and asked her out at the local ski resort she worked at. At first it was weird being with someone that’s not witness. Having to explain everything. Happily, nothing I told her about that or my past scared her off. She liked me for me.
Things were smooth. I didn’t try to hide her like most people. Hell, I even brought her to a few meeting. I was completely open. I got ears-full of (how) what I was doing was wrong from everybody, but I didn’t give a shit.
I was happy. The happiest I’d been in years and it had nothing to do with the cult.
Like the devil she is, my mother came in with another road block. This time I didn’t cave. She went out of her way to tell the elders that I was dating her. (Like it wasn’t common knowledge). I was approached by the elders in a very bully-esque manner and forced to the back (interrogation) room. I got questioned and was honest. Yes we messed around, yes we did stuff we probably shouldn’t have. But who hasn’t at my age. Then came the committee meeting. I was told word for word “you have been forgiven for what you’ve done with her, but since you wont break up with her, we have no choice but to disfellowship you.” I said that’s bullshit and walked out. Next meeting I gave an appeal letter to the elder.
Now talk about an awkward meeting. Six elders surrounding you and asking detailed questions about your sexual advances. So at the end of that the verdict was that I was not forgiven for what I have done and it had nothing to do with my current relationship status. I was steaming. I turned around to my first committee and stared them right in the eye and recited what they told me in the last meeting. They completely denied it. Knowing it was a lost battle, I just stormed out of their.
So that was about two years ago.
I’m still with the same gorgeous woman. I’ve never been happier.
I’ve been able to rekindle me and my dads relationship. He thinks the witnesses are a big joke. For anyone reading this that may be going through something similar, I’m not going to lie, at first it suck. So bad.
But it does get better. So much better. You cant deny the feeling of freedom.
One thing I’ve lived by since then is “blood doesn’t make family.” Don’t let the people actively ignoring you win by giving them the benefit of seeing you in pain. Fuck them.
I’ve never shared all this before to an open forum, so this took alot to write. And it was on a cell phone, so that sucked too. I wish good luck to anyone on this forum in the future and I hope to hear from anyone that needs help or a friend.